Why Don't I Love Myself?
Updated: Jan 7, 2019
As an energy worker, the concept of self-love is constantly talked about. I've probably read a hundred articles about the subject and a hundred more about self-hate. Still, even after years of study, I've occasionally found myself coming up short in the department of love for myself, feeling inexplicably lacking in some way, shape, or form. I've come to realize that the reasons why I do this often aren't what I think they are. Below I've shared two major causes that I've found that create this energy, and what exactly can be done about it.
1. We're unaware:
Often when we hate ourselves, it's not something that happened overnight. Many times when I have a client that feels lack of self love, it comes paired with statements such as "I've never loved myself, not in my entire life."
To me, hearing this is not surprising. Human beings are built in patterns. Cellular patterns, genetic patters, and behavioral patterns alike. Is it any surprise that we would also be experiencing patterns in our own energy field?
When we've been acting out an energetic script of self-hate, it can often become so habitual to hurt ourselves, we begin to lose awareness of it. A tiny thought of "that was so stupid of me," or "I'm not very good at this," might not seem like a big red flag, but if you add up the millions of times you've thought similar things throughout your life, suddenly you have very strong messages of inadequacy and stupidity.
Now, many of you reading this article who may be familiar with energy work know that a little discipline in what thoughts you think goes a long way. But, what many energy practitioners fail to address is the messages that aren't verbal, or thought in sentences or words. For instance, if you have a set back in one of your goals, do you choose to immerse yourself in the feeling of guilt? When, you experience failure, do you allow yourself to spend time sitting in the energy of shame? If there is something unclear about your future, do you let feelings of worry overtake your peace?
Notice, I've used the words "choose," "allow," and "let." These are words of power, and I assure you, you always have a choice to find a better thought. When we "allow" the feeling of being a victim of your emotions keep us from choosing a more peaceful experience, it is, in turn, a form of self-harm.
*Side note, even if you're realizing you're practicing self harm, please choose feelings of forgiveness and self love in those moments as well, because often, loving ourselves even in the midst of our own self abuse can go a long way in breaking the cycle.
2. It's easier:
This is probably my number one reason when I'm being unkind to myself. For so many years, I beat up on myself, chose feelings of guilt and shame. I blamed other people for making me feel emotional upset, and for making me feel inferior. The truth is, though, that it had nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me. I love the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
When someone says something to drag you down, you can either agree with them, or disagree with them. When we agree with someone's hurtful words about us, we give the power of our happiness and self love to them. It becomes their job to tell us when we are worthwhile and when we aren't. While this may seem like an inferior choice, so many of us choose to label ourselves by other people's standards. Why? Because it's so much easier to allow the responsibility of our feelings and self worth to be in someone else's charge, than to take on the responsibility ourselves.
This is, again, not a judgement. There is nothing wrong with anyone who chooses to do this. If you are reading this and are realizing it is a pattern you've taken on, please know you are still a lovable, perfect, infinite creation of source, and you can choose to see yourself and your own world in any way you would like. However, wouldn't it be more fun to experience the freedom of knowing you're whole, perfect and totally loved exactly as you are, with nothing to prove to anyone?
So, what can we do about it?
Loving yourself is a very personal process. For some, self love means taking a needed vacation, for others, it's eating healthier foods to sustain your body. As much as it's tempting to have someone try and give you a formula for self love, the real answer lies within our own questioning.
When you start an argument you know will end with hurtful words, ask yourself before you begin the conversation if this action is showing yourself love and respect. Is saying yes to helping someone when you know you don't have the time showing yourself love? If you've made a decision that wasn't loving to yourself, are you still sending thoughts of gratitude to yourself, or are you continuing to mull over the mistake?
Whatever the answers are to these questions, know that even if it's out of your comfort zone, the more you ask about your own needs and find ways to send and receive your own self love, the more freedom and joy you can experience. I would encourage you to make your personal motto: "I am totally perfect and lovable, and I make choices from that awareness."
I love you all dearly, isn't it time you started loving yourselves, too?